All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
