Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
