for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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