So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
