wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
