some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
