babies were throwing up all over the place
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
