I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
