I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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