I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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