She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
