Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
