I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
