two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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