so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
