tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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