he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
