It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's the barista slut.
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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