clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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