you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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