When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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