U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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