Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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