My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize