Define "chronic" masturbator.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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