Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
