Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
