Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
