vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
