I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
