Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
