I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
