Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
