Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
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Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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