I look better un-naked...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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