There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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