Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
