whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
