shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
