I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
