I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
