I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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