you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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