Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
