If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
