and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
