i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
