We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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