Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
