It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
