So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
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Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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