can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Drunk is a universal language darling
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
