Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
