Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
