Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
