Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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