mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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