legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
