do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
