Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
