Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
