I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
