I want to have your abortion
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize