my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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