Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are all done wearing pants today
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
why is half of my head shaved?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
