There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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