cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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