mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Farmville is her only friend.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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