I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
