I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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