Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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